Harming Yourself With Bulimia

by Pilar Bucio
(Monterrey, Nuevo Leon, Mexico)

You know bulimia is totally wrong. There is no doubt that you are harming yourself, your body, your mind, and mainly your esophagus, your family, your friends.

You know it will upset everyone - including yourself, and you are staring at the plate, thinking about all of this and how dangerous it all is. Still, you push aside the plate, and your thoughts as well, and you begin to walk towards the bathroom.

You are a confident person, but these steps, they are almost weak, and insecure. They are not you.

A small fraction of your mind whispers to you not to do it, but you ignore it. You've never listened to it before, so why now? Then you do as always, you click the play button and hear some Eminem music. You kneel, and well, we all know what happens next.


As you raise your head, you notice that the music is much louder - much, much louder, and your head feels like it is about to explode. You continue to do your thing.

After all is done, you go and lay in bed, and you begin to think to yourself and you debate whether its best for you to harm your hips by the grossness of food, or harm your esophagus by repelling the food? Which is worse? And why?

Then when you come to the obvious conclusion you begin to write about it in a blank document. Next day, surprise, surprise - you’ll do the same routine that you did today.

You can’t control your body, emotions, brain or eating disorders. You have crossed the line, this is not some silly problem like lying to your mother. You are not a little kid anymore.

You know what’s best for you! All of your dreams, hopes and goals, will be flushed downh the drain. Is that what you want? Bottom line, you are better than this bulimia. You are better.

Not only does this hurt yourself, but that it can kill you. Be strong, like you have been the past years. Be strong. I, me, myself, we, cause we are one person, I know that you are inside me and I know you may be scared to gain weight, but we have to face the consequences, together. Help me, and I will help you.