Supersize to Super-skinny

by Matt
(Sheffield)

After going to secondary school 7 years ago, I began to notice the weight creeping on. I'd gone from my super-skinny thin frame of 8 stone to a whopping 14 stone in just 5 years, but I was happy.

I loved lots of different foods, and I could eat them care-free because my appearance was something I didn't see as terribly important at the time.

However in January 2010, I promised myself that I'd diet and exercise to get rid of this unwanted flab that shelled my body. I cut my daily calorie intake drastically and exercised every night at home with skipping ropes, gym balls and constant running.

The weight began to immediately fall off and it inspired me to keep going. My Mum quickly noticed the change in my appearance and took me to a local doctor who dismissed me for not being harmfully underweight.

Knowing that I'd got my mum off my back, I continued to exercise and cut back further on calories. It was only when my mum confronted me again a few weeks later that I was taken back to the doctors and weighed.

I had lost a lot in 4 weeks, and by now, I was afraid of eating at all. Food terrified me. I was still convinced that I was fat, but I literally had no flesh on me.

People gave me strange looks in the street as they realized things were out of control in my life. I felt like no-one in the world understood.

Every week I'd re-visit my doctor for blood samples and weight checks, and looking down at the scales. To see that I had lost weight pleased me.

In July 2010, I had photos taken of myself at my gran's birthday party and while scanning through the pictures the next day, I noticed what I had done to myself::


... The veins visible in my face, my eyes sticking out of my head, the bones poking through my clothes .... I was sickened. It was at that moment that I told myself I wouldn't become another victim - another statistic - of anorexia nervosa.

From that moment on, I faced my fear of foods and finally engaged in eating with others. I'd panic when I ate the food, but I knew it's what I had to do if i was actually going to see my next birthday.

As the weeks passed, I gradually put on weight. Often I'd cry after realizing that I was gaining weight, but knew its what i had to do to, not only for myself but for those who loved me too.

Roll on six months later, I'm at a healthy weight. Everyday I still have mild worries about my consumption of food. I also know that anorexia will always have a lasting effect on my body and mind. It's sort of like a friend that you want to break away from, but cant help hold on to.

It's not something I can get rid of. It lives by me and I'm comfortable with that. I still often have days when I restrict, but then make up for it the day after.

I NEVER want to go down that road again of waking in the night because my ribs catch a spring in the mattress. It's no way to live.

To all those who read this and are battling anorexia, I know how you feel, and in time things will get easier.