Wanting To Recover From An Eating Disorder

When you went into eating disorder recovery it was because you were clearly incredibly ill and unable to function from your illness, but did you ever think about recovering before then?

When I think about recovery I cant even imagine seriously thinking about eating 3 "normal" meals a day.

I dont feel like I deserve recovery because I'm not anorexic, I'm just 'EDNOS'. I'm far from underweight, and then i think, even if I could have the help, I don't know how eating disorder recovery would work because I just cannot imagine eating so much on a daily basis and still feeling okay about myself.

Some days I will eat more than others and then I feel guilty and avoid weighing myself and severely restrict for the rest of the day/next few days.

Some days I'll get dizzy, or my eyes will blur up, or my heart will race, and I worry about myself. I start looking up what might be causing it, but then I just weigh myself and feel better. I know the blurred vision will go away.

I know that I'm nowhere near ready for eating disorder recovery, and I almost feel silly using the word 'recovering' about myself because I just don't feel like I deserve that title.

Basically I'm just asking if you ever felt like this -- if you ever saw recovery as something that was so many million miles away that it wasn't even something to consider. Then in the end, you got to that stage where you did it and got there.

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